December 1, 2014

 

I digressed.  Mid-October, I took a significant step backwards.  Like, all the way backwards.  Like, I couldn’t take a step.  So after 3 days of that, I went to physical therapy, and we figured out that my whole pelvis had somehow shifted way out of alignment.  She taught me how to adjust it and helped me figure out how to tell when I’m aligned and when I’m out.  It’s not easy, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.  The bummer is, everything got all inflamed again.  The inflammation is what causes the pain, and what eats away at the joint to worsen the arthritis this whole thing has caused.  So I have to rest, and stay on the maximum doses of ibuprofen and tylenol, to get the inflammation down as fast as possible.

So here’s the deal.  That was almost 2 months ago, and the inflammation is finally starting to go down.  The past couple of days, the pain has been much less.  We’re training my muscles to compensate for the damaged ligament, so that I can hold my pelvis together on my own instead of relying on the ligament to do it for me.  My physical therapist has given me all the exercises she can, so now I’m on my own.  I do my exercises every day to strengthen my core and pelvic floor and build stamina.  I can walk around my house pretty well for the most part, for short spurts of time, as long as I rest often; but I can’t do any long distances.

It’s looking like this is my life.  A full recovery is no longer very likely.  I’m still hopeful that I’ll get better than I am, and I’ll work my booty off to do it, but this road is not ending for me any time soon.  So, my wheelchair is my tool for me to keep living life.  It’s not that I can’t walk at all.  It’s that I’m 25 years old and I refuse to live the rest of my life confined to the couch.  I will keep building my muscle strength day by day to become as mobile as I possibly can.  But in the mean time, I’ll sit in my chair and wheel around, not sitting on my couch stuck.  I play with my boys.  We scoot around on the floor and we read and we play with toys and I wheel them for rides on my lap.  I wheel around the kitchen preparing dinner.  I clean the best I can and I let my husband help with the cleaning where I can’t.  We built a wheelchair ramp in my garage so I can get out the door and go places.  It’s not easy, but I’m determined not to shrink.  I’m determined that my kids won’t ever feel short-changed because their mom can’t walk.  And I’m determined to stay happy.  So here I am.  Bring it on, life!  Bring it on.