It’s been a whole year since I lost my ability to walk. I was 32 weeks pregnant when I was walking down the hall and fell to the floor in pain. I could never have imagined the events that have occurred in my life since that moment. I hobbled around painfully for months, before and after giving birth, waiting for a promised recovery. I kept hearing, “give it more time…. rest more…. you’ll get better…”

Finally the doctors and I started realizing this wasn’t going away on its own. So, at 2 months post partum, I started physical therapy. And I started owning up to my cane and my wheelchair. I worked so hard, so determined and excited to get better. After 5 months of physical therapy we were able to get the pain under control, and I re-learned how to walk without a limp. However, I could only go very short distances at a time before the pain and the hobble came back. My physical therapist set me on my own to continue the exercises she taught me, with no definite answer on when (or whether) I could expect a full recovery.

My condition (for those who haven’t been following my whole story, it’s called osteitis pubis and SI joint dysfunction caused by severe SPD during pregnancy. See my story for details) has been up and down since then, but we’re all cautiously optimistic of a slow recovery! I seem to have a certain number of good steps I can take throughout the day (it usually hovers around 3,000, with rest breaks throughout the day) and still feel well. The problem is, if I take too many, I’ll go back to zero, so I have to be careful. But honestly, it’s working for me! 3,000 steps around the house can accomplish a lot! And it’s been so long that by now this lifestyle just feels like my normal. Obviously I’ll keep hoping and working toward a recovery, but I’ve been focusing more of my efforts now on just living life. We’ve been figuring out how make things work, and how to enjoy life with the situation we’ve got! I love caring for my two little boys every day, cooking dinner, wheeling around the neighborhood, going for drives, and spending time with the people I love. Maybe I’ll get all the way better (I think it’s likely!), but if I don’t, I’ll be okay. I am so grateful for the beautiful life I have.

I wrote a song to my baby Gordon about this journey I’ve been on as I brought him into the world. I feel so blessed. I know that God has an eternal plan for me that is greater than I can now understand, so I’ll continue to trust in him as my journey unfolds. I have learned that, as the common phrase goes, when one door closes another opens. God takes one piece out of our lives but replaces it with something better. And piece by piece, one step at a time, he leads us along the path to happiness and oneness with Him. This song is about that process for me. I’ve recognized the things he’s taken and changed in me, and the new -the BETTER- things that he’s given in return.

I feel like I’ve been broken down to zero so that I can be reconstructed into what he wants me to be. Each step of the process has a purpose. He made my heart bigger, my eyes wider, my arms stronger; and by taking my ability to walk well, he changed my path, my goals, and my dreams, and he gave me my sweet little boy. So here it is, “He Took My Legs, But Gave Me You.”

(Disclaimer, it’s a low quality video. I had a short window of time to record during nap time! But, it’s raw and real and from my heart.)

“He Took My Legs, But Gave Me You.”

You were in my heart before I even knew your name.
I felt your spirit shining down
Just like sunshine on my face.
I knew you’d change my whole life
But I had no idea how far;
But I’m better for this journey
Because of who you are.

He took my heart and made it new,
Bigger than I could imagine.
He took my eyes and made them wider;
I see the world as so much brighter.
He took my arms and made them stronger
So I could hold you so much longer.
He changed my dreams to something new;
He took my legs, but gave me you.

The road is rough ahead
But if there’s anything I’ve learned,
It’s that whatever he takes
He’ll replace with so much more.
I told him, “Take my life,
Do with me what you will.
Build a castle from this broken me
But stay with me still.”

So, He took my heart and made it new,
Bigger than I could imagine.
He took my eyes and made them wider;
I see the world as so much brighter.
He took my arms and made them stronger
So I could hold you so much longer.
He changed my dreams to something new;
He took my legs, but gave me you.

And I’ll thank him from the bottom of my overflowing heart
For teaching me what really matters, and giving me the better part.
The view is always better from the harder the climb,
And there is no view better than your little bright blue eyes.

He took my heart and made it new,
Bigger than I could imagine.
He took my eyes and made them wider;
I see the world as so much brighter.
He took my arms and made them stronger
So I could hold you so much longer.
He changed my dreams to something new;
He took my legs, but gave me you.

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