Today is the one year anniversary of when we found out my condition wasn’t going away after pregnancy like I was told. It was March 2014 when I couldn’t walk anymore. It was May when I had my baby and thought I’d get better. It was our 4th of July weekend when it started getting worse instead of recovering. Even then, no one thought it would possibly last this long.
Anniversaries are so interesting in the way they affect our emotions. They lead us to reflect back and ponder on the past. More often than not, I think people are surprised at how much has changed since whatever particular anniversary they’re thinking on. It’s an interesting necessity in life- change. And it’s ever more interesting how much we as humans resist it. I’ve been reading about mindfulness and confidence, and they both talk about the importance of embracing change in life. It’s gonna happen whether we like it or not, so we might as well go with it. But I think the hard thing about change isn’t that it happens, it’s that no one knows how or when it will happen. The unexpected/surprise factor, that’s what gets us. I never in a million years would have predicted that pregnancy would leave me in a wheelchair long-term. And yet, here I am!
And strangely, after everything I’ve gone through, I’m okay with it now. It’s our new normal. My kids don’t know any different, we’ve figured out how to make things work, and overall life is going great! There are times when we’re out and about and I’m reminded how very far from “normal” I actually am, and those times can be painful. Watching others walk, run, dance, climb…. It can sting sometimes. But then I just look down at my sweet little boy. He brings me more joy than walking ever could, and he was so worth all the pain it took to get him here.
And you know what else? The fact that I can even be out and about at all is just awesome. Technology is awesome and the Americans with Disabilities Act is awesome and people who care about things are AWESOME. We’re up in the mountains today at a lovely family reunion. A couple days ago we went to the lake and played at the beach (Brock carried me down to the water, my superman!). There’s tons of things I can still do despite my physical condition. Brock tells me all the time, “Aubs, no matter what, we’re gonna have fun and make life great!” And he makes it happen 🙂
Everybody’s got their something in life that’s really hard. Everybody faces challenges. But God’s been good to me. If this is the price I must pay in order to have these adorable, crazy little boys, I’ll gladly pay it. Out of all the labels I could be called in life, my favorite one is Mommy. That role trumps every other role I could ever play, and it’s worth every sacrifice to achieve it.